Yesterday a guy came up to me at work was like “How are you ever going to get a job with all those piercings?”
I’ll say that again.
A guy came up to me
at work
and asked “How are you ever going to get a job with all those piercings?”
(via 11--11-make-a-wish)
i’ll never delete my tumblr so when my kids are like “ugh MOM u don’t understand”, i’ll show them my tumblr so they can realize i was once young & laughed at dick jokes
(via carpe-bef0re-yolo)
they call me macklemore in math class because im like
what what what what what
what what what what what what what
what what what what
(via carpe-bef0re-yolo)
*Mom hands me phone to answer*
And their names are texas tornado and johnny football.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE FLUFFY ASS COWS!
(Source: weeaboo-chan, via carpe-bef0re-yolo)
if i were famous, i’d go to a red carpet event in a fashionable tan leather dress, and when they asked me who i was wearing, i’d say ‘i don’t know her name, but she had a beautiful complexion, didn’t she?’
(via carpe-bef0re-yolo)
You know what’s creepy about Humpty Dumpty?
They never said he was an egg.
all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again BECAUSE HIS BLOOD WAS GUSHING OUT OF HIS CRACKED SKULL
SOMEONE PLEASE CHANGE THE SUBJECT BEFORE THE SHERLOCK FANDOM STARTS ANGSTING.
Too late
LOOK JAWN I’M HUMPTY DUMPTY
GOD DAMMIT
(Source: darkladysatan, via carpe-bef0re-yolo)
